Saturday, January 30, 2010

Saala Dramaqueen!

The plastic sheet flew in valor making undulating waves. It's pastel gray shade shining in golden sunlight almost made it look life-like. It floated in such innocence that it radiated energy to everyone who walked by its side. It was settled on an old Maruti Esteem Vxi around the corner of the street where they hadn't put the blocks of the road yet.


" Aaj Seema ko dekha kya? kya lag rahi thi, by god! itna acha lagna toh paap hona chaihiye paap!"
" Abbey raju, tujhe toh louu ho gaya re baba!"
"Chup be halkat! yeh louu voou kya? bas garmi -
Raju has stopped in his tracks. The car had moved. Just then to add an extra dramatic effect the gray plastic sheet flew like a roar.
"Dekha na tune? bol saale! yaa mujhe chasma laga hai!"
" Dekha maine! abbey! kya tha yeh! chal nikal chotte warna lafda ho jayega!"

They both scurried their way out of the lane and almost broke into a run when another strong wind hit them in the face. It wasn't a week until the town new something was wrong with the car. It moved suddenly without reason, without warning sometimes blowing the horn really loud in the middle of the night.
Everybody was hassled and wanted to know what was the story.

Sopariwala Uncle was heard animatedly talking to Shetty Sahib in hushed tones.
" Maine toh suna bhoot hai! Bhoot I'm telling you shetty ji!"
His voice was icy now.
" Aapki patni ke liye bhi saras hoga, hawan kara lo bas! just do it!"
" Sopariwala you know any pandit ji thoda saste mein?"
" Arre. why you worry when sopariwala is here? mera Bhatija hai! reasonable rate hai bhai!"

 "Abbey chichundar! Paisa dikha nahi ki icecream chahiye.. saala dramaqueen. Ab shanti se, woh ladkiyan kya kehti hai? Toilet...nahi....looo...nahi...pee! pee karne de chal!"
 "Kya boss? One icecream? Pliz?"
The car screamt loudly. A few flowers fell on the tree. A crow spat on chichundar. all at the same time!
"Bola tha idhar mat kar! Chal bhaag!"
"Arree!"
"Abbey chaddi chod! bhaag! Warna ho jayega visarjan! bhaaaag!"


It wasnt until three weeks that the local media knew what was going on.

" Tell us, Mr. gonsalves, you have been living here for so long, who does this car belong to?"
" I don't know what to tell you! I've been secretary for 5 years and no one listens! I told them 92 days ago "throw it away!" but these idiots!"
" So sir, you knew about this car having signs of unnatural forces upon it since 92 days?!"
" I knew it since I saw it I tell you!"
" Do you think its an act of some unholy creature living here?!"
" Could be possible, Sharma acts crazy sometimes. Maybe from them. Who knows -"

"Sharma bola?! Sharma ka baccha! Gonnsaalves! Idhar aaa angrez!"
Sharma breaks through the piling crowd shaking the camera and making Rashika the correspondent, fall.
"Did you see that?Yes, this is the chaos that has been caused here because of the unholiness of this building! The reports are true. This is Rashika reporting live, for - aaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
 Camera goes haywire. Sharma has taken over.
 "Papa papa! photo khichu? please papa! papa paaaapaa! camera do na! sharma ki vaat lag gayi paapa!"
"Kya? sharma ki vaat?! kaha?!"


T.V news flashes. " Kya yeh anhoonee hai? Ya ek shrap? kya bataye? Aap bataye. SMS kijiye Haan ya Naa 5455 par! Jald hi!"

 "Tarun, ball! It will go under the car! Taaaarun! Shit. You jackass! I told you! Don't let it go there. What do we play with now? Jerk. Cant you field once properly?"
" Pantar saala. You should've dived and saved the ball na!"
" Now go get it. Nothing will happen. Hell has accepted you with your precious credit cards already. Just go. What more will happen to you? I have a girlfriend!"
" Chu-"
The ball came rolling out in front of their eyes. " What the -!"
Tarun turned around in shock. Vishal was already screaming and running.



It was the D-day. The crew was there, Sharma Uncle stood fuming in one corner with his wife in an expensive sari. Vishal was yet having problems with his thing after the whole ball-rolling-on-its-own thing. Chichundar was having a mango dolly. Raju was here with Seema, hand in hand. Baba Achdev was calling out to his inner self with two three disciples rubbing his feet. The bomb squad was on its way.

That's when the doors opened. It was easy. There was a tear in the plastic sheet around the corner, so the car door could opened with a little difficulty. A hairy man came out of the car.
" Yaha... sone ko kyaaa... milegaaa?" he was clearly drunk. A cat came hurrying from below the car while kicking a ball around it.
The camera started rolling. the mike was shoved in his throat.

"GONSAAAALVESSSS!" Sharma Uncle broke loose.

" Bol raha hai yeha sone ke liye kya karna padega...", Raju shyly informed seema who blushed uncontrollably.