Saturday, March 28, 2009

Closure.

She was wondering where to go next when it suddenly started to drizzle. There was a lot to do, lot of forms to fill in, lot of calls to make, lots of sleep to catch up on. She had always loved the rain. never missing a chance to feel the drops against her skin. The feeling was so natural, yet so overwhelming. she decided to walk. There was always time for everything else. if only that sinking feeling went away.

"Did you know they also published written material!",exclaimed Tammana sarcastically flipping through a magazine when I walked in.
" Why do you buy them then?" I asked.
She didnt answer. "How was your day? Damn, you're leaving water all over, I just cleaned up!"
"Sorry, I just felt like walking today. Tamu, can i talk to you for a second?"
"yeah, just a minute. fuck! these shoes are for 26 grands! can you believe it?"
I just looked at her staring into that page with so much attention that she hadn't noticed me hesitating. she always did this to herself. Bought those stupid magazines, hair curlers, self-help books...claiming that they were cheap and well there's got to be something to do after coming home. And then she lived in denial. Every time i thought about it I asked myself of how like her was I. But I loved her. She was my friend.


"Are we going to talk about it or not?"
"What? NO. i cant. It's still fresh."
"C'mon."
"I think it's better if we leave it for now."
"no tamu, we have to talk about this one day or the other. so why not now? I'm sick of keeping it in me."
"In you? were you high that day?"
"No, babe. I was completely alright."


"hey, I just dropped by to give tamu her post."
"oh thanks, I'll give it to her when she comes."
"thanks. when is she coming today? I couldn't reach her cell."
"mostly by eight and it's just 5 now."
"ah. you mind getting some water for me?"
"no of course not, come in na", I said with a smile.
"thanks."
My heart was racing. Why was he always so intriguing? Damn. And I know he wants it too.
"so anniversary tomorrow?", I asked.
"oh. yeah, she told you? she couldn't stop talking about it last night. it just seems so foolish"
"foolish? it means a lot to her...but..yeah. it IS kinda foolish." I hate it when I resolved to conformity around him.
silence.

He came towards me to keep the glass back near the sink. Somehow, I didn't move. He still came closer.
Shit. I've known tamu for years. how can i do this...how...he was kissing me. and that trail was left behind.


"If only I hadn't come then, would you have told me?"
"yes."
"that's it. Now I have closure."