Tuesday, July 29, 2008

how to save a life?

If you’ve ever felt the way I feel right now, believe me, I pity you. I so do.
It’s like having a constant headache. But I guess this too shall pass.
It’s so surprising that even though I got two huge elated news today, im still not elated even a bit. And the most irritating of it all is that I have no bloody idea why I feel the way I do. I mean my life is not that depressing ya!
I dunno but ive been obsessed with this song of gnr. November rain.
Love this part:

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothing' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

if only I could not care about so many things in life, I guess id rather be more serene. But then it’s hard to keep an open heart :)

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

That’s fray. And I’ve come to terms with the song.

Doc Oc.

It was as if some psuedo force was acting on my body when I made that impulsive attack. I don’t really know how to play football. Of course, u can’t use ur hands. I knew that. But I don’t know why I tackled my friend to the ground so hard that she had blood streaming down her nose. “Im so sorry Kate, love, are you all right?” I say. “ You made me bleed, you think im all right? Damn you sam. Cant you get one sport right?”
Id attempted racket ball once with Kate, in school, and I’d almost thrown the racket in her face. I still remember her expression; I’d thought she was going to kill me.
“ It was just an impulsive act, im so sorry! I think we’d better go to the doc, it looks bad.” Kate’s grueling face didn’t really soothe me down. Just as we entered the clinic, the receptionist gave a snort. Kate did look funny. She was perspiring; her hair was all over the place, even though we had spent almost the entire evening putting it into a nice bun, chic and classy. But I guess it didn’t really turn out that well.
Then my life changed.
I’m gonna tell you how.
I saw this incredibly gorgeous man coming towards us. He was wearing an apron, which was so white; I actually had my eyes watering. Right, he’s our doctor who was going to make Kate look normal again. The doctor. How can doctors be so cute?? That’s when Kate threw that dirty questioning why-are-you-so-amused look?
I was startled to see her eyeing me with such suspicion. I remember once in college, before we graduated and then became roommates, we used to help each other find dates for Saturday nights. We used to talk in weird eye contacts about who’s cute, and who can have him. Which usually used to turn out to be, none.
“Hi, Im Dr. McGuire, David McGuire, I will be your doctor.” It was like Bond. James Bond. “ Hi. Im sam…Er…samata. My friend here, Kate, we were kind of, we were playing, and you know how these balls are..” What am I saying?? Oh my god. I said balls, didn’t I?? He was looking at me trying to figure what I said. And his utterance didn’t look good.
“ Uh. So what do we have here? A bruised nose? All right. Let’s get you inside.”
“ We were playing football”, said Kate.” And Miss im-so-good-at-this, right here, pushed me to the ground, or rather savagely attacked me and made me look like this”. “ I did not savagely attack you!”
“ Its all right Miss, sam, is it??”
“Yes, samata actually, but you can call me sam”
“ So do you guys do this often?”
“ I tackle people for fun! Yes, that’s me!” I’m going to kill Kate.
“ So you work for the night shift,” I say.
Night shift? What’s wrong with me?? Its 7 o’clock in the evening!
He gave me an uncomfortable look, and then to Kate, who was also staring at me,
And gave me a nod.
I tried to motion something to Kate so that she gets my point, when he was cleaning the blood off her face.
He was applying some sort of glue to her nose and Kate was looking right in his eyes. And then he saw her too. Oh my god. They’re falling for each other! They’re going to married and I’ll be her bridesmaid, weeping, and then they’ll have children and-
“ You have a swollen eye too.” Oh, thank god.
He was looking at her puffy and swollen eye! Did I just knock my best friend down, bleed her, and give her a black eye?? Im so surprisingly strong. And mean.
“ Kate, do you feel all right??” sympathy, yes, which might impress him. Oh, but im the one who bled her. Damn me.
“ So do you guys live together??” he asks.
“ Yes, we do. But we are not what you…I mean we’re just friends. You know, friends who live together…and all that. We’re just roommates. That’s it.”
I sound like a moron.
“ Yes, I get that”. He shifts uncomfortably. “ Even I live with my friend, Brian.”
“ That’s great, just friends living together.” Shut up, shut up!!
“ Sam, I think it’s my turn to ask whether you’re feeling all right?” Kate says.
“ I just have this weird headache, im sorry, can you excuse me for a moment?”
I walk up to the cooler. Swearing under my breath. When Dr. McGuire comes from behind. “ Sam, its all right that you bruised your own friend, things like this happen, you have to have control on your fears..” oh my god. He looks so good. I can’t stop looking his eyes.
“Are you listening to me?”
“ Right, yes, I do. Im sorry. I was a bit shaken. Thinking whether id broken her nose or not or something like that...”
“ David, I need you!” Kate calls out. David? Did she just say that?? Wish id broken her nose.
I follow David, and I see her with the bandages in her hands again. Somehow, she’d managed to remove them because it itched. An itch deprived me of that wonderful conversation with David.
“ Does it pain??” I ask in a devilish way.
Shit. Two minutes ago I was agonizing her pain, im such an ass.
“Darn! Why did you have to tackle me neways? I’d just passed the ball to you!”
“I don’t know…it looked as if you were going to attack me with that ball…so I reacted! It was a reflex!”
“Reflex!” muttered Kate with the most disgusting expression her face. As a matter of fact she does look fat when she sits. We were discussing about it last night of how when she sat down her paunch was visible through her extra-hugging t-shirts. We were looking for a solution for it but then gradually it dawned on us what kind of losers we were and headed to sleep.
“ Brian is actually into advertising and he’s a great guy...” David is rapidly talking to me while we go to get some ice. But I’m not listening. Why is he talking about Brian with me? “ …he’s at a great post but he recently got out of a serious relationship…” oh my god. He’s going to ask me to date this great-guy-Brian. Damn. “ I’m not looking for anything right now you know”, I blurt. “ Oh. Actually I was more of wondering about kate...you know…if she wasn’t dating anybody right now…” he says with a saddened smile obviously taken aback by my reaction. When will I ever learn to shut up? Uugghh…
“ I’ll talk to her later about it” I say sheepishly. “So are you dating anybody?” he asks. Score! Im finally on track! “ Not really, im actually taking some time off from dating to find some real passion in life…” I lie. “ Oh that’s…great.”
we come back to kate and see her fidgeting with her nose trying to keep it up for it to stop bleeding. It looked so funny! David rushed towards her and put some cotton on her when I snorted loud enough for a man in a coma next doors to hear.
But somehow Kate started laughing too and realizing that it was ok to laugh David gave a hearty laugh too. He had such a strong jaw line and he had this-
“Sam, do you still want to catch that movie tomorrow night?’’ Kate asks. “ What movie are you guys watching?” pipes in David. “ Oh it’s a romantic flick down in the theatres this street, oh why don’t you and Brian come? If you’re both free that is…”
And that is why Kate is my best friend. “ Sure, ill ask him and let you know.”
“I think we are all done here. I’ll call you tomorrow” says David after patching my swollen friend up.
We get all the formalities done with and leave when my eyes met with David. They were the most deep green eyes I’d ever seen. And we both seemed to stare at each other a little longer than we should have and that’s when I knew that’s more to this man than just looks. There was something very deep inside those that I desperately wanted to know and I thought about him all night after coming home. I told Kate all about her dating Brian and me liking David. She said that id completely made a fool of myself for the first impression. But I still knew that something was going to happen.
Later the next day David called our apartment and left a message saying that him and Brain would come pick us up at 7. Kate and I got dressed in suitable just-going-for-a-movie clothes and waited for the guys to pick us up. It somehow didn’t feel that I didn’t know David. Somehow I had this feeling that it was ok, its just David.
“ Hello ladies, this is my friend Brian, Brian this is Kate and Sam.” David introduced us and we got along in a cab for the movie.
We had the last seats to ourselves, as the theatre was relatively empty. We got popcorn and some snacks and the movie started. Halfway down the movie David and me could see Kate and Brian already making out. It was so embarrassing, believe me! “Oui! Get a room!” David yelled at the recent lovebirds. We shifted in our chairs a little and I somehow just burst out laughing so hard there were tears running down my chin! David couldn’t control himself either. The movie got really boring in the end so we decided to leave the lovebirds and go out for a walk.
It was a frosty cold night with a lot of wind to top it all. It made no difference at all though. We hardly talked either. Just walked together.
We got married in the next spring. We have a baby named Michelle.

Yeah. My life changed.