Saturday, July 26, 2008

The things you do

this one was long tym back too :)

I really can’t understand sometimes why we act the way we do? Sometimes we become intolerably whiny and some times we are unimaginably upbeat! Its like mood swings are a part of our daily life…a mere split personality lies in everybody. At times you act like total saints and the next moment you’re wicked as hell! And the things you do when you’re alone, makes you think at times ‘Was that really me posing in front of the mirror??’

And then you laugh, cry.
At the drop the hat, you cry, for again, very weird reasons like umm…why do your parents always correct you? Well, that’s their job!
Why does everything go wrong? They wouldn’t be wrong if they were right!
Why doesn’t he like me? Umm…because, he doesn’t! Accept it. Its not like the entire human male species is going to be head over heels for you!
Why do my exams always, that is, always go so freaking pathetic? Because there is something called studying for exams too!
Why don’t these clothes fit me? Lose some weight and you’ll look as thin as Kate moss!
Why am I always unhappy with life? Look at the brighter things in life; it’ll brighten your life.

And then you give advices, and then you make the same mistakes you give advices for.
‘Why don’t you use a different color? That would make you look thinner’
The next day you find yourself wearing the exact, same color.
‘ Why don’t you dump him? He’s total crap’
Few days later you’re walking hand in hand with him.
‘ It’s better you forget things and move on, otherwise you’re just wasting your time’
Then you spend the entire day thinking about it.
‘ I think you should wear flip-flops’ ‘ do you like them?’ ‘Are you crazy? I hate even the sight of them!’

And then you embarrass yourself, in front of the entire sighted world. You may also call it your unlucky days.
You fall on the steps of a posh restaurant because of the stilettos you just bought.
You ruin your shirt while having doughnut in the office.
You race behind a bus and still not get it to see a similar bus riding right past you while you marathon. There are some people trying not to laugh while the others are laughing their head off!
You forget to zip your pants.
The crow shits on your white shirt.
You stumble on escalators (well, people don’t know you’re afraid of them!)
You forget to wax and end up wearing a sleeveless to work.
You burp in the middle of an office meeting. (It was lunchtime half an hour ago!)

And then you have the best days of your life. (Very few if seen numerically)
Your boss just gave you a raise.
You reached the office before time.
You had the most amazing dinner. With sushi and all that.
You did not have to pay anywhere the whole day because your boss was with you.
The cutest guy in the world asked you out.
You cooked deliciously.
You got your nails done. For free. It was Christmas scheme!!
Etcetera etcetera.

So there you are. Weird. Irritating. Lovely. Normal!


wrote this long time back.

“I don’t know how it happened…Im so sorry rhea… I’ve been so stupid”.
“You don’t need to apologize, its not going to change anything.” I said.
“ I have to ask you this, why? Why did you do this??” I asked tears streaming down my face. “ I don’t know how it got so serious, I didn’t realize what I was doing, and I didn’t realize I was in love with her-
“You’re in love with her?? You didn’t even think about your family? Your six-month old baby for Christ sake? When did all this start?” I choked.
“ Everything happened so fast, when you were pregnant with Rehaan, we met…oh… it was all a mistake…”
“A mistake?? You have been seeing this woman for the past one year when I was carrying our child, taking care of him all by myself because supposedly you were caught up with your so called work! When you say you love her, and claim its all a mistake?? What kind of a person are you!?”
“I understand what you’re going through, I-
“No you don’t! You bloody don’t!” I stormed out of our kitchen, grabbed my coat and left. He was calling back to me, my baby was crying but I didn’t seem to care.
I was walking, walking towards…. nothing. Everything was pitch dark.
I never thought it would happen to me. Never imagined I would be in the place where once my mother was. I remember my father leaving. He had abandoned us.
And my mother knew, all along, but she still took all of it. I never understood why until I asked her. I still remember her answer. Vividly.
“Because I loved him”
And she had cried her whole life.
She was weak. She was weak to stand up to her rights, her self respect.
But I’m not going to make the same mistakes she’d done. I was not going to let him ruin me. Not be one of those women who make their children or rather, their love, their weakness. I realized that I’d stopped crying long time back.
I walked back to the door and opened it to find him feeding our baby.
“I’ll send in the divorce and custody files on Monday morning to your office. I expect you to leave this house early morning tomorrow.”
I could see his expression, shocked. Not because of what I said, but because I was saying it.
Rehaan is 16 years old now, happy and living.
Something’s can never change, you can.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

haha! im back

kitty from my college. very very cute.
Had no college today! yay! it was raining throughout. did absolutely nothing today. just lazed around like a pig. got a lil wet in the rains in the morning. did a lot of thinking. haha! like u wud believe that! neway. was online most of the day. explored facebook finally! i was just so lazy to ever check that site out. made some amazing dinner today. dad liked it! finally!

been checking myself out since morning, ive thinned! yaay! i miss my incredibly-thin days! :(

i wonder sometimes how many ppl actually read all this, except for the people whom i threaten. heheh! dun worry im not in a good mood today either. just being stupid. nehow, neway.